Tenshi :(

why?

From the past weeks (or months), I have this awkward prayer that I always include in my devotion. Most of the girls I talk to would pray the exact opposite of what I longed for. It goes sort of like this:

"Please take him away if this feeling that I have for him does not come from You" 

(duh!!! why do I always have this unexplainable feeling whenever I say that?) o.O

Yes, indeed I have fallen for him. I am experiencing this freaking "unexplainable feeling" that they usually call infatuation / intimacy / love / or whatever!, whenever he is near. But I know that it's not right. (yeah! it's not right... my psyche's telling me)
(+_+)

I already kissed dating goodbye and I don't think that I am ready to say hello to courtship (... Joshua Harris effect ^^) But above all, I have promised that I will wait for that right time of God's will. I need to focus on His work first and there are greater things to prioritize than to entertain this feeling that I have. Just like the song of Jaci Velasquez "I promise", this is what I have promised. But why?

Why am I having this struggle? Why am I still in this abyss of temptation? Why does it linger to me like a necessity that I cannot erase? Why oh why?

It's not like I am planning to live a life of celibacy or is claiming to have a gift of that. It's just that I do not think it is the right time for me to think about this matter. I have seen enough from the people around me and I am very well aware of how ungodly relationship ruins the life of each individual. I want to be different and do not want to be a part of our generation's trend in intimate relationship. I want to stand for what Jesus have taught me.

But my dear Tenshi is always clouding my mind. I am most of the time, preoccupied with thoughts of how I must avoid him and stop nurturing this growing feelings that I have. That is why I kept on praying to take him away from my system, not just the feeling but HIM entirely.

Am I being too harsh to myself on this matter? Am I doing the right thing? Why oh why?