wattpad: Crazy World
It was a day with thunder and lightning. Worry preoccupied my entire system as I was too far from the ones I love. There were no storms, they say, it's just the southwest monsoon flooding the entire metropolis. A tragic day indeed.
But as unexpected as it is, the day struck me with a sudden emotional turmoil like a surprise lightning from an angry sky. In contrary, it was a blissful experience. Though my alter ego kept on reminding me how painful the outcome would be, I somehow enjoyed the masochistic experience I had ...
___
As our work was cancelled due to inclement weather, our hunger for news made my friend and I to travel into your place despite the cold weather. We weren't expecting much to happen on that day as our main intention was to simply watch the news on your black and white TV. I didn't even know that you were there. As I've said our intention was solely to check the news and pay a visit to our friends.
My heart throb when I had a glimpse of you on the door. I tried not to approach you in anyway possible. "No more awkward moment", I said to myself... I change my attention and saw an opportunity to start another Jabez appointment. An appointment to exercise my faith in Christ. Glory to God, He really is answering my unspoken prayers. One of my friend was losing faith and asked me to have prayer with her. The conversation was a bit emotional for her. Looking back with her past, we talked about her salvation and how she had been living with her housemates as well. It ended with wonderful picture of repentance and submission to our Lord Jesus. Oh how I pray that what she had promised was true to her heart. Suddenly, you opened the door and distracted me. Of all people, why does it have to be you? Disregarding your presence, we ended with a prayer of salvation and decided to go down with the others.
"Buti na lang", I said to myself. I did not see your presence as I went down. It was a good thing because I wished not to cause my heart another ache if I see your face. After a couple of minutes, there you are again at the door with your wet umbrella. I didn't know what to say when you asked me, my heart skipped a beat. It was a nice thought of you checking if I already ate. ◕‿◕ I went back upstairs to avoid your presence. "Geez! why am I acting this way?", I said. Then everybody stayed upstairs for some reason. I'm not sure if you've noticed how I tried not to be close to you, leaning my back at the corner of the bed. Moving far away from you as possible. The conversation goes on with the other housemates in reference to the missing money. I tried to focus with the other housemate's presence but I can't avoid looking at you.
(=.=) My heart beats faster as you sit in front of me. It's like my heart was about to explode. "waaaahhh!" I can't explain how awkward the situation was. Worse, I didn't know how to react when you lay your head on the pillow that covers me. I want to push you away but I know it would be rude and I'd be very obvious as everyone was looking at my reaction. "Lay it low, keep it cool. Don't over react", I said to myself. Everyone inside the room was teasing me with their silent words and scrutinizing eyes. "Pbb teens?" hahaha...
I tried not to look at you as much as I can but you didn't stop talking. I tried to ignore you but you insisted to stay close. "Okay, I give up. I know the Lord have a purpose for what was happening", I thought ... 'just enjoy the moment', they say as I read their lips. As if I am really enjoying the moment? geez! My heart was throbbing so fast that I find it difficult to breath. *sigh ... How should I react in this situation?
I covered my face with my thick hair, pretending not to see your actions. Avoiding your eyes as much as I can. *sigh ... This is way too much! As I was trying to compose myself from the gushy stuff I am feeling, I tried to be engrossed with the Text twist on my phone. I didn't mean to tease you when I corrected your pronunciation. It's just a natural response of mine and I am not as perfectionist as you think I am. You're not even perfect to start with! But I still fell for your trap. I don't know what you're thinking back then. I had a theory of you just playing me around. *crrrackkk!... Another ache in my heart. "This is what I warned you for, my dear child", I remembered God telling me as I was pouring my heart to Him about you one rainy night. But why am I so persistent with my hard headed attitude? Why can't I get out of this dark abyss of one-sided love?
"What the ..? what are you really up to?" my heart shouted out. I tried to stop you from pinching my cheeks with your both hands, but you're so persistent. *blushes! Sweet as many may see it but I can't stand it anymore. My mind tells me to stop him but the other side says it's fun. Split personality? crazy! Thank you for buying my alibi and finally ... you stopped. Finally, I was able to get back on my senses and control my actions. But as crazy your filthy mind is, you teased me in such a way that would truly annoy me. I hate you for that! Pointing me to my weakness and amplifying my annoyance. grr! I really want to punch you in the face so that your mouth would be dead shut. Okay, here I go again with my sadistic imagination. Sorry :P
The picture totally nailed it. duh! "Why does it have to appear in that way?" When you want to take a picture of the two of us, I have to admit that I liked the idea BUT I know that you're only doing it to annoy me all the more. I said that I do not want you to have any picture of mine, not that I am not confident with the beauty that God gave me but rather, I am only trying to carefully preserve myself. Some may not get it but I do not want to give my every piece specially to someone that I know who is not true to his words. I know the game that you're playing, coz I've been a player too. So as I had my resolve, my mind accepted the idea of just riding along. I was truly exhausted trying to get rid of the crazy picture that you had. It might sound to be over reacting but what else can I do? I don't want him having the picture and he doesn't want to erase it himself. I thought my heart would explode literally! My health condition sucks. Period. But then again, it was fun. I had never exhausted myself that way since the last time he (another friend of mine) was with me. [memories... ]
Going with the flow, I agreed to come. The mall idea is classy considering the stormy weather. "Crazy kids!" I hear my old grandma saying whenever my cousin and I do the same thing. :) Nonetheless, I really don't know what gotten into you for playing around like that. I know you don't mean those gushy stuff that you said back in the bed when I was punching you. I am aware that you are just doing a favor for my best friend. As you have said, she will be very happy when she saw us acting that way and exchanging sweet noting Even along the PUV that we're riding, I know that you are just playing around. "Just go with the flow..." I said to myself. But as I was looking at you in my peripheral vision, I can't help to see him in you. Not the crazy attitude of yours but your entire being. Did I really fall for you or to the same person that I see in you?
Walking at the mall, the crowd just gave me an exit point from my attention to you. Thank God I was finally distracted! Finally, as we take a snack I was able to get a good connection with the malls wifi :) I know it's not a big deal but checking or asking who am I texting or talking to tells me something. Are you really checking me out or your just meddling? hmmm... Trying to shut down my emotional affection, I once again exercised my MBA in insensitivity and non-observant attitude. I think I really had an excellent grade for this subject. The numbness that my walls created is truly effective. Thanks to the crazy crowd that enables me to turn my wall on.
After spending our money at the boutique, taking a break for a while is a good idea. While sitting at the bench, another conversation starts. As unexpected as it is, the talk about the food breaks my cold heart. I am once again feeling that affection that I tried to shut down a while ago. I am aware of your health condition and telling me the reason why you can't eat such oily stuff only made me want to take care of you. I am even aware about the stuff at your back and the worse possibility of it's future. It was alarming as my best friend told me, but who cares? I still want to take care of you. I still want to be with you. And I still ... gosh! I can't say this.
Taking another walk at the grocery store made me see another side of you. A gentleman indeed... but a crazy headed punk who enjoys annoying me! Okay, yeah you are a gentleman I have to admit, end of story. :P Checking the clothes that might fit you, how can I not see? You are truly thin! (and so is he ... *sigh )You really need to double size your meal kiddo.
The toothbrush thing was unexpected. Yes I am really about to replace my brush but I didn't plan to share a pair with you. "Just go with the flow", a whisper speaks in my mind. "Practicality speaking, you'll get it cheaper if you just buy the pair" yeah whatever! As if the amount matters. So there I was agreeing to buy the pair toothbrush with the person whom I am trying to block in my life!
Sulking at the rain, I thought of sharing the umbrella while you're carrying all our HEAVY stuff. "You deserve it! haha". But thanks to big sister for saving me another tormenting memory in the future of getting ourselves in one umbrella under the rain. Going to the fast food chain under the dark street is kinda making me feel dizzy. So I felt sorry for putting water in your clothes via my umbrella while I was sticking close to both of you. I didn't mean it, promise!
It was dinner time again and I am having my bulimic attack. Why does it have to happen in such moments? I really didn't expect that you will treat us with dinner. I am feeling a bit nauseous but nothing serious. I remembered you telling me that you are color blind yourself. Am I being colorblind too? Or just the effect of exercising my emotional control? So there I was, eating only half and letting you have the remaining meal. Sorry for not finishing my food. Even I myself is annoyed by my timely sickness.
"Tadaima!" Finally, I can rest my feet from that long trip. I knew beforehand that they will be teasing us for our time spent together. I tried to compose myself and not be affected by their annoying words of pairing us. But I can't help smiling. It's not that I truly liked the idea but I find it funny to see people looking at the possibility of us being together in the near future. Me and you? duh!
You're such a coward for telling mommy how hard I punched you. Well, it was fun. bleh! (:P) At least I was able to somehow made you feel, ... even just a little, the pain that I felt from you. Yeah I know you didn't mean it, not your fault, whatever.
"Kahel" duh! the color of the toothbrush is kinda annoying. I know it sounds childish but I don't want to have brush that's not blue in color. It had been my collectible color matching my other stuff. I would probably accept if it was pink or lavender but orange? ... I don't think so. So there I was fighting over for my color and good gracious, I won :) haha... But did you know why blue suddenly became my favorite color? Nah! let's not talk about it.
"Tsss... you really know what to say" I said to my best friend while making face with annoyance.
"When you take the blue one it means that you love him!" How should I respond to that? Yeah I know that you know how my feelings were for him but how can you, my best friend, trap me in this situation in front of him? (o.O) Plus, you my dearest enemy is arguing with me for that simple crap. I know it's your favorite too but anyway, thanks for letting go of it.
The idea of you wearing my t-shirt didn't affect me in anyway. It's just that you look slimmer that I am with you wearing it. Or should I say, you're as thin as a ... haha I better not tell it. I just hope that you felt warm with those on. I'd like to give it to you as a token for putting water on your clothes. Sorry.
Washing the dishes, my best friend and I talked about some topic that I already forgot. Is this because I was actually focusing on you than our conversation? I said goodbye to her with our usual "beso beso" kiss and the same goes with mommy. I know they are just teasing you to ask for my goodbye kiss too. But I didn't expect that you would really come to me and ask for it. As much as I want to give you what you want, I can't. I don't even do "beso kiss" with my bisexual friends. I only do that with the opposite sex if I am 100% sure that they are gay. Well yeah, I did it with one exemption. But I swear it was just a normal friendly cheek to cheek kiss as if we were elite ladies who are passing blush on's with one another.
So there you are saying your goodbye's at the door. We stood there for a while and I was shocked when you tried to hold my hand. I am cautious enough to avoid you but you still caught my fingers. I do not know what you're up to and I am trying my best not to be affected with your sudden playboy acts. I am quite used to such things with the other guys who are trying to be with me but your effect was different.Then you pinched my hands and said I was the one holding you. duh! Coward liar! Why do you have to say that?
The night fell hard on me. I was trying to analyze what just happened on this day. I know that you only have a few days to stay but what's with your sudden change of actions? Are you aware of how this might affect the thoughts of people around us? Is this another favor from my best friend? Or you are just trying to exercise your playboy masculinity with your idea of me liking you?
I fell asleep after pouring my heart to Jesus. I am aware that He have great plans for me but I can't help asking why does he need to be the person whom God would allow to cross my fragile heart. I had been into different shattered glasses of life but why does he need to be part of it too. Well, I admit he did brought me closer to God with the daily bread book that he gave me but I can't stop wondering if this had something to do with my abysmal prayer. A prayer of molding me in the likeness of Proverbs 31. Hey! I am only 19 and that's way too far to think about but, God responds in such ways that we do not think possible. Just as the same fire that melts the cold hard iron, was the same fire that polishes a beautiful and radiant gold. Pain is inevitable, they say. So I thank God for such realization on this day of inner turmoil and false smiles and laughter. Another color of life discovered on that crazy day.
___
"What the ..? what are you really up to?" my heart shouted out. I tried to stop you from pinching my cheeks with your both hands, but you're so persistent. *blushes! Sweet as many may see it but I can't stand it anymore. My mind tells me to stop him but the other side says it's fun. Split personality? crazy! Thank you for buying my alibi and finally ... you stopped. Finally, I was able to get back on my senses and control my actions. But as crazy your filthy mind is, you teased me in such a way that would truly annoy me. I hate you for that! Pointing me to my weakness and amplifying my annoyance. grr! I really want to punch you in the face so that your mouth would be dead shut. Okay, here I go again with my sadistic imagination. Sorry :P
The picture totally nailed it. duh! "Why does it have to appear in that way?" When you want to take a picture of the two of us, I have to admit that I liked the idea BUT I know that you're only doing it to annoy me all the more. I said that I do not want you to have any picture of mine, not that I am not confident with the beauty that God gave me but rather, I am only trying to carefully preserve myself. Some may not get it but I do not want to give my every piece specially to someone that I know who is not true to his words. I know the game that you're playing, coz I've been a player too. So as I had my resolve, my mind accepted the idea of just riding along. I was truly exhausted trying to get rid of the crazy picture that you had. It might sound to be over reacting but what else can I do? I don't want him having the picture and he doesn't want to erase it himself. I thought my heart would explode literally! My health condition sucks. Period. But then again, it was fun. I had never exhausted myself that way since the last time he (another friend of mine) was with me. [memories... ]
Going with the flow, I agreed to come. The mall idea is classy considering the stormy weather. "Crazy kids!" I hear my old grandma saying whenever my cousin and I do the same thing. :) Nonetheless, I really don't know what gotten into you for playing around like that. I know you don't mean those gushy stuff that you said back in the bed when I was punching you. I am aware that you are just doing a favor for my best friend. As you have said, she will be very happy when she saw us acting that way and exchanging sweet noting Even along the PUV that we're riding, I know that you are just playing around. "Just go with the flow..." I said to myself. But as I was looking at you in my peripheral vision, I can't help to see him in you. Not the crazy attitude of yours but your entire being. Did I really fall for you or to the same person that I see in you?
Walking at the mall, the crowd just gave me an exit point from my attention to you. Thank God I was finally distracted! Finally, as we take a snack I was able to get a good connection with the malls wifi :) I know it's not a big deal but checking or asking who am I texting or talking to tells me something. Are you really checking me out or your just meddling? hmmm... Trying to shut down my emotional affection, I once again exercised my MBA in insensitivity and non-observant attitude. I think I really had an excellent grade for this subject. The numbness that my walls created is truly effective. Thanks to the crazy crowd that enables me to turn my wall on.
After spending our money at the boutique, taking a break for a while is a good idea. While sitting at the bench, another conversation starts. As unexpected as it is, the talk about the food breaks my cold heart. I am once again feeling that affection that I tried to shut down a while ago. I am aware of your health condition and telling me the reason why you can't eat such oily stuff only made me want to take care of you. I am even aware about the stuff at your back and the worse possibility of it's future. It was alarming as my best friend told me, but who cares? I still want to take care of you. I still want to be with you. And I still ... gosh! I can't say this.
Taking another walk at the grocery store made me see another side of you. A gentleman indeed... but a crazy headed punk who enjoys annoying me! Okay, yeah you are a gentleman I have to admit, end of story. :P Checking the clothes that might fit you, how can I not see? You are truly thin! (and so is he ... *sigh )You really need to double size your meal kiddo.
The toothbrush thing was unexpected. Yes I am really about to replace my brush but I didn't plan to share a pair with you. "Just go with the flow", a whisper speaks in my mind. "Practicality speaking, you'll get it cheaper if you just buy the pair" yeah whatever! As if the amount matters. So there I was agreeing to buy the pair toothbrush with the person whom I am trying to block in my life!
Sulking at the rain, I thought of sharing the umbrella while you're carrying all our HEAVY stuff. "You deserve it! haha". But thanks to big sister for saving me another tormenting memory in the future of getting ourselves in one umbrella under the rain. Going to the fast food chain under the dark street is kinda making me feel dizzy. So I felt sorry for putting water in your clothes via my umbrella while I was sticking close to both of you. I didn't mean it, promise!
It was dinner time again and I am having my bulimic attack. Why does it have to happen in such moments? I really didn't expect that you will treat us with dinner. I am feeling a bit nauseous but nothing serious. I remembered you telling me that you are color blind yourself. Am I being colorblind too? Or just the effect of exercising my emotional control? So there I was, eating only half and letting you have the remaining meal. Sorry for not finishing my food. Even I myself is annoyed by my timely sickness.
"Tadaima!" Finally, I can rest my feet from that long trip. I knew beforehand that they will be teasing us for our time spent together. I tried to compose myself and not be affected by their annoying words of pairing us. But I can't help smiling. It's not that I truly liked the idea but I find it funny to see people looking at the possibility of us being together in the near future. Me and you? duh!
You're such a coward for telling mommy how hard I punched you. Well, it was fun. bleh! (:P) At least I was able to somehow made you feel, ... even just a little, the pain that I felt from you. Yeah I know you didn't mean it, not your fault, whatever.
"Kahel" duh! the color of the toothbrush is kinda annoying. I know it sounds childish but I don't want to have brush that's not blue in color. It had been my collectible color matching my other stuff. I would probably accept if it was pink or lavender but orange? ... I don't think so. So there I was fighting over for my color and good gracious, I won :) haha... But did you know why blue suddenly became my favorite color? Nah! let's not talk about it.
"Tsss... you really know what to say" I said to my best friend while making face with annoyance.
"When you take the blue one it means that you love him!" How should I respond to that? Yeah I know that you know how my feelings were for him but how can you, my best friend, trap me in this situation in front of him? (o.O) Plus, you my dearest enemy is arguing with me for that simple crap. I know it's your favorite too but anyway, thanks for letting go of it.
The idea of you wearing my t-shirt didn't affect me in anyway. It's just that you look slimmer that I am with you wearing it. Or should I say, you're as thin as a ... haha I better not tell it. I just hope that you felt warm with those on. I'd like to give it to you as a token for putting water on your clothes. Sorry.
Washing the dishes, my best friend and I talked about some topic that I already forgot. Is this because I was actually focusing on you than our conversation? I said goodbye to her with our usual "beso beso" kiss and the same goes with mommy. I know they are just teasing you to ask for my goodbye kiss too. But I didn't expect that you would really come to me and ask for it. As much as I want to give you what you want, I can't. I don't even do "beso kiss" with my bisexual friends. I only do that with the opposite sex if I am 100% sure that they are gay. Well yeah, I did it with one exemption. But I swear it was just a normal friendly cheek to cheek kiss as if we were elite ladies who are passing blush on's with one another.
So there you are saying your goodbye's at the door. We stood there for a while and I was shocked when you tried to hold my hand. I am cautious enough to avoid you but you still caught my fingers. I do not know what you're up to and I am trying my best not to be affected with your sudden playboy acts. I am quite used to such things with the other guys who are trying to be with me but your effect was different.Then you pinched my hands and said I was the one holding you. duh! Coward liar! Why do you have to say that?
The night fell hard on me. I was trying to analyze what just happened on this day. I know that you only have a few days to stay but what's with your sudden change of actions? Are you aware of how this might affect the thoughts of people around us? Is this another favor from my best friend? Or you are just trying to exercise your playboy masculinity with your idea of me liking you?
I fell asleep after pouring my heart to Jesus. I am aware that He have great plans for me but I can't help asking why does he need to be the person whom God would allow to cross my fragile heart. I had been into different shattered glasses of life but why does he need to be part of it too. Well, I admit he did brought me closer to God with the daily bread book that he gave me but I can't stop wondering if this had something to do with my abysmal prayer. A prayer of molding me in the likeness of Proverbs 31. Hey! I am only 19 and that's way too far to think about but, God responds in such ways that we do not think possible. Just as the same fire that melts the cold hard iron, was the same fire that polishes a beautiful and radiant gold. Pain is inevitable, they say. So I thank God for such realization on this day of inner turmoil and false smiles and laughter. Another color of life discovered on that crazy day.
___
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